A marriage counselor in our area was talked about passionately throughout an entire page of our newspaper recently. The reporter was wound up because this woman counselor said basically: Go ahead - quarrel! Yell at each other! Get angry! Fight! It will strengthen your marriage.
Sorry, but she's full of nonsense, professional or not. All she is showing, as far as we're concerned, is that she hasn't learned to manage her own emotions or her counsel to others hasn't worked any other way. It got her a lot of attention, but in actuality what she is touting has the opposite effect. It might clear the air to let it all hang out on a temporary basis, but in the long run, there will be things said and actions taken that will bruise and hurt in ways that never will be forgotten.
Over a period of time, people who take their anger out on each other will weaken, not strengthen, their marriages. That isn't real love. When you love someone, you don't treat them like dirt, even when you're hot under the collar. The only people who benefit from that type of behavior are strong willed, controlling individuals who really don't care whom they hurt.
Yes, from time to time to exhibit real love you have to show a glint of steel in your eyes or harden your voice so your partner will know you mean business, but it should be short, infrequent and with their good in mind.
What this counselor is suggesting is an antithesis to what God tells us. Here is a quote that you can memorize today so it will descend deeply into your subconscious and become part of your life. In fact, it would be good to have your family memorize it. We're quoting from the Amplified version of the Bible which makes it more understandable, but it also makes it a little longer. It's a description of what being in love with someone is and ought to be:
Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy; is not boastful or vainglorious; does not display itself haughtily.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.
Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way; for it is not self-seeking: it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it.
It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person; it's hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything.
To study it further, dust off that Bible that your grandmother gave you and read in the New Testament in the book of I Corinthians, Chapter 13.
We agree with you right now - no one can live up to that description of love completely - but our wager is, you can do a lot better job in showing bona fide affection than you are doing now. Don't use this to hammer at your wife or husband or your teenager to straighten them out - but treasure it as a guide to correct yourself.
Needless to say, these passages are not telling you to quit being a man or to become a weak woman, to quit being tough when you have to be, to quit being strong; but it's telling you to lessen those areas in your life by being conscious of the feelings of others and showing kindness and compassion.
Think of ways today where you can better become a person who really knows how to actually be in love with your wife or husband - and, as a bonus, your children, who sometimes drive you up the wall. If you do, you won't be asking us, "How can I save my marriage?" It will put a spring to your step and a song in your heart.
Sorry, but she's full of nonsense, professional or not. All she is showing, as far as we're concerned, is that she hasn't learned to manage her own emotions or her counsel to others hasn't worked any other way. It got her a lot of attention, but in actuality what she is touting has the opposite effect. It might clear the air to let it all hang out on a temporary basis, but in the long run, there will be things said and actions taken that will bruise and hurt in ways that never will be forgotten.
Over a period of time, people who take their anger out on each other will weaken, not strengthen, their marriages. That isn't real love. When you love someone, you don't treat them like dirt, even when you're hot under the collar. The only people who benefit from that type of behavior are strong willed, controlling individuals who really don't care whom they hurt.
Yes, from time to time to exhibit real love you have to show a glint of steel in your eyes or harden your voice so your partner will know you mean business, but it should be short, infrequent and with their good in mind.
What this counselor is suggesting is an antithesis to what God tells us. Here is a quote that you can memorize today so it will descend deeply into your subconscious and become part of your life. In fact, it would be good to have your family memorize it. We're quoting from the Amplified version of the Bible which makes it more understandable, but it also makes it a little longer. It's a description of what being in love with someone is and ought to be:
Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy; is not boastful or vainglorious; does not display itself haughtily.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.
Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way; for it is not self-seeking: it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it.
It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person; it's hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything.
To study it further, dust off that Bible that your grandmother gave you and read in the New Testament in the book of I Corinthians, Chapter 13.
We agree with you right now - no one can live up to that description of love completely - but our wager is, you can do a lot better job in showing bona fide affection than you are doing now. Don't use this to hammer at your wife or husband or your teenager to straighten them out - but treasure it as a guide to correct yourself.
Needless to say, these passages are not telling you to quit being a man or to become a weak woman, to quit being tough when you have to be, to quit being strong; but it's telling you to lessen those areas in your life by being conscious of the feelings of others and showing kindness and compassion.
Think of ways today where you can better become a person who really knows how to actually be in love with your wife or husband - and, as a bonus, your children, who sometimes drive you up the wall. If you do, you won't be asking us, "How can I save my marriage?" It will put a spring to your step and a song in your heart.
About the Author:
Are there problems in your marriage? You are not alone. 100's of thousands have used our marriage advice. Save my marriage , and get separate help for women. This article, Real Love - What It Is And Isn't is released under a creative commons attribution license.
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