Surviving An Affair - It's Possible

By Muhammad Mahmoud

Your world has come crashing down - your husband just announced to you that he wants to get a divorce, the reason being that you had a fling in the summer, when he was away. Of course he is perfectly justified, but that doesn't stop the process from being any less hurtful than it is. You feel like crap anyway, but obviously you don't expect sympathy, but this is a bit too much for you to handle.

I'm talking about something that has become quite commonplace. The extramarital affair is no longer something that is a rarity; in fact it is happening at an alarming rate; especially if you have been married for 6- 15 years. The cheating rate is about 20% and is the highest in that range. But there is still hope. You need to brave the storm, the storm of anger and emotion welling from your spouse and at the end of it, you will you're your marriage intact, the difference being that the foundations will be much stronger than they were in the first place.

Here are three phases that you should go through, sequentially, so as to survive the affair

Phase I

Sort out your feelings. In this phase, you will be going through an "externalizing" process, which is the exact opposite of internalizing, which most of us tend to do in such a situation and which leads to problems later on. When you're externalizing, you're looking for answers, not within yourself, but out there in the open. But before that, do come to terms with your own feelings and then talk it out.

Phase II

You need to work with one another to sort out the issues you have with each other and the relationship. In fact, you will be guided through the entire process of how to approach your spouse for forgiveness and wonder of wonders, BE FORGIVEN! The basic aim of this phase is to open up the channels of communication without making things worse and complicating matters.

You two should discuss things like:

* Why it happened in the first place.
* What was lacking in the relationship.
* How you two will adjust with one another.

Phase III

In this last phase, you will learn how to rebuild the foundations of your relationship. You will be surprised to find, that if you go about it in the right way, you will regain:

* Support
* Care
* Reassurance
* Affection

And re - discover love again. Yes, that is the magic of reconciliation. It is like falling in love all over again. Just remember that people make mistakes and you shouldn't regret the past, concentrate on making it up to your spouse as best as you can, this will ensure that you have a bright future to look forward to.

About the Author:

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Saving Marriages

By Roselah Varde

If your marriage is in the verge of divorce, countercheck the quality of trust, fidelity, and communication. They are vital to the survival once you get into a married life. If you feel it's worthy to salvage your marriage, then give it a shot.

Tip 1: The Skill of Communication.

It may seem like something that comes natural at birth. However, communication, especially in a relationship, is a skill. As with any skill, communication takes time and practice to be good at it.

Since this is a skill, you can begin transition to the higher level when you mastered the basic essentials of primary communication. As a matter of fact, professionals improve their relationship with colleagues, peers, and other people using effective therapeutic communication skills.

The point of this is that you need to understand that communication is not something that is either there or not; and if it's not your marriage is doomed. Communication is something that requires some work and commitment from you and your spouse. If you and your spouse have a hard time truly communicating, it is something that can be learned.

Step 2: Promise to each other to be 100% honest

Tip 2: Honest Promises.

One of the biggest problems with trying to heal a marriage after adultery is getting through trust issues. Whether there was infidelity in your marriage or not, you should both promise to be completely honest with each other from this point forward and let that be the cornerstone of your marriage.

Tip 3: Do not lie.

Any form of lies, white or evil, should be avoided. You may feel some hesitations to reveal what you have to reveal but take the challenge now than suffer your whole marriage. It may hurt your spouse if you reveal something to them, but he/she has the right to know.

Gather more courage because dishonesty has no place in marriage. Exercise absolute honesty and reveal your deepest secrets one by one. Your spouse has to know for him/her to understand the situation better.

Temptations are everywhere. When at the verge of committing dishonesty, explain to your spouse why you have to keep the information temporarily. Otherwise, tell him/her honestly the necessary information he/she needs to know. Clean conscience is far better than faking your spouse.

In this article I touched on three steps that are important for opening up the lines of communication again in your marriage. This is by no means a cure all answer to the question, "how can I save my marriage?" However, these three tips are a good first step to begin honest dialog with your spouse again, which is important in the process of saving your marriage.

About the Author:

Roselah Varde is a competent writer who writes articles about saving marriage. She has been writing for sites such as this to share her background in saving marriage with others.

Saving Your Marriage With Simple Stress Management

By Darci Alishouse

How do over half of marriages today end in divorce when all of them started out promising to last forever? Why do we begin lives together with such hope only to watch it crumble and end in despair? There are challenges in life that all marriages face like financial issues, career demands and raising children. Could the stress of these challenges be the root cause of divorce and could learning stress management end up saving your marriage?

Honeymooners are great. They're all starry eyed and lost in the wonder of each other. We love to watch movies and write poetry about being in love. We like to think of love as staying that way forever, a delightful paradise that never transforms.

Nothing stays the same. Not the town we live in, our waist lines or the wedded bliss in which our marriage began. Life happens and it doesn't have to be big, terrible changes that cause relationship struggles. Often if there are normal, everyday stresses of money or kids or work, these can be enough to cause marriage problems.

After months and years of the daily grinding pressure we can be left empty and sad and because we're not perfect we turn our own dissatisfaction onto our spouse. Our unhappiness extends beyond ourselves and infects our relationships, especially with the one we love the most.

If the underlying issue in a rocky marriage is the subtle yet constant pressure of life then handling those pressures differently could save your marriage. Learning stress management at work and at home could help ease the outside negativity and keep it out of your relationship.

Stress management is a rather general term. One of the most important things you can do to handle stress is admit that you have stress and that it is effecting you. If you can do that you can then start exercising, use stress reducing supplements or many other things to lower your stress levels.

If you can create a more stress free lifestyle you are achieving stress management. Letting go of the nasty feelings in a healthy way instead of on your husband or wife can save your marriage. It's also a much better way to live life, happy and in a loving relationship, it doesn't get much better than that.

About the Author:

Want to find out more about stress management products, then visit Darci Alishouse's site and see if stress relief will help you save your marriage.

Recovering From Infidelity Made Easy

By Muhammad Mahmoud

So that's it, you've strayed; you've gone and done a mess of things by having an affair with your young, attractive secretary and are feeling guilty as hell about it. What's worse is, though, at that time, you thought you were doing the right thing by confiding in your wife about it, you couldn't regret it more now, because things have never been worse at home. Does this scenario sound familiar?

Help Is Here

If so, then you're at the right place. If you want to find the best and most hassle free way of ending your affair and saving your marriage, then this article is just the thing for you. So what should you do when you're in a situation like this?

Let's face it; every counselor will tell you that you should "talk things through" with your spouse, but hey, that only happens when your spouse is ready to talk to you, right? And in a situation like this, more often than not, your wife doesn't even want to see your face, let alone talk to you! So what do you do? You show her, through your actions, how sorry you are.

Yeah, that's right. You need to show your wife that you are truly sorry for your actions and you are ready to make an effort, extend an olive branch. Sure, at the outset, she'll spurn all your advances. She'll make you feel worse and worse, resentful even, but ultimately, she might just cave in. No, don't think all will be forgiven. But she might just be willing and ready to talk it out with you.

That's when you grab the opportunity and tell her how much of a scum bag you were and how sorry you are for the entire affair. But also be quick to point out that you didn't just stray for no reason. Point out to her, that she just wasn't giving enough to your relationship or whatever the reason may be. That way, you will have your self respect intact. Give her the plain truth, don't dress it up, because later on, you might end up feeling bad about it yourself.

What To Do

When you first start talking to each other, make sure you go through the details, no matter how painful it may be. In fact, mentally prepare yourself for just such an experience. This will strengthen you as people. Try a three pronged approach to healing the damage that your relationship has undergone:

* Give your wife time to sort herself out.
* Figure out why you strayed in the first place.
* Re - build the trust.

That's what lies at the base of every reconciliation process and you have to go through it. It will be painful at first, but at the end of it, you'll be glad you went through all that pain.

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Download the free report to uncover the secrets and learn exactly what you should do to save your marriage immediately after the affair.

Marriage After Infidelity - Should You Stay or Should You Go?

By Cecilia Green

Recovering from infidelity is a most difficult and trying time in one's life, and you may wonder if there is any hope to save your marriage. After dealing with the initial shock and horror of the news, you may need to take time to decide if the bonds between you and your spouse will ever be repaired.

Discovering that your spouse has had an affair is nothing short of devastating. You probably feel like you have been socked in the gut and you may not be able to get the negative thoughts and images out of your mind. Lack of answers and communication from your spouse will only make you feel worse, and you may start to wonder if ending your marriage is the only solution.

Affairs in marriage have shown to be fairly common, but sadly, many are not willing to make an effort to save the marriage after the affair. Although it can seem overwhelming at first, and to emotionally taxing, couples who are willing to put the time and effort into salvaging things can certainly overcome this devastating event. It will be necessary to ask yourself what you are wiling to do to make things work out for you and your marriage.

Is your cheating spouse willing to to work WITH you to repair the marriage? If they are they will have ended the affair 100% and will feel remorseful for ever betraying you in such a way. They must also be willing to enter therapy with you and expressed desire in working things out together. Make sure they use action, not just words, to prove their desire to save the marriage.

Can you make the promise to do the necessary work to save your relationship? Even though you did not cause this damage, after the affair you are the one who needs to be wiling to deal with your own emotions. If you are suffering from sad, lonely and negative thoughts now, you can make the decision to learn tools and tricks to change those thoughts. Even though it is difficult, if you are up for the challenge you can learn to rebuild yourself and your marriage.

Asking these tough questions does not mean you will have the answer right away. Talk them over with your partner, decide together that this is what you want and need. The trauma and pain of the affair and deciding how to move forward are all the beginning steps in recovering from infidelity.

About the Author:

Feeling uncertain about yourself and your spouse after an affair is perfectly normal. If you are seeking help for your unanswered questions, I urge you to check out my site on How To Survive An Affair for more helpful information.. This article, Marriage After Infidelity - Should You Stay or Should You Go? is available for free reprint.

To Save Your Marriage, Stop Talking!

By Areelitaha Joahlanski

It may seem counter-intuitive to say that in order to save your marriage you need to stop talking to your partner, but this could in fact be the very thing that allows some couples to move beyond their problems and return to happiness together.

A therapist's couch is where most couples end up when the marriage turns sour. They start out angry and upset, and often it is an uncomfortable position to be in that causes a lot of anxiety. Yet, after a few sessions some couples start to become closer again and work out their issues. Others will continue to make the sessions unpleasant and will never work anything out.

Are you wondering how you can end up one of the former, rather than the latter?

If you want to turn talk time into a rekindled marriage, you have to understand at some point that the actual talking is not what heals a marriage. What will ultimately save a relationship is both people being able to really listen to one another and then take deliberate steps outside of talk time to make things better for one another.

Talk alone will never work. While therapists can be extremely beneficial, it all comes down to how receptive both parties are to the sessions. If you both sit there holding your breath in anger waiting for your turn to list all the flaws of your partner, then you are not really listening to one another and nothing will be solved.

Another way to totally screw things up is to leave the talk session in a rage, screaming and yelling at one another. Or, you can completely shut one another out and refuse to talk at all. In either case, you aren't like to move forward with positive action to fix the problems and all the fighting or ignoring will lead nowhere.

The recipe for success is a short period of open, honest, attack-free discussion where both people are allowed to state the issues as they see it without worry of attack or revenge. If you really listen to one another and then take deliberate action to start fixing the issues, you may really be able to save the relationship.

If you really want to save your marriage, then realize that action counts more than words. When it comes down to rekindling a flame or letting it snuff out, what you do counts much more than what you say.

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