Oct 15, 2012

What Can I do to Save My Marriage?

By Kym Wade


If you are reading this, you know how difficult marriage can be. Fortunately, there are answers that can turn your marriage around. Many people get their marriages back on track. Some continue to build and achieve strong beautiful marriages. So don't despair. Take this opportunity to understand what it takes to establish a base from which your marriage can grow.

So what does it take to revitalize your marriage? Thankfully the answer to this question is simple; you need to take care of the basics. There are a few basic principles that every good marriage is built on. If you put these into place, you can save your marriage and in fact, create a happy marriage.

Many of us are familiar with how a house is built. First you lay the foundations. It is critical to use the right materials when building the foundations so that they support the house through the stormiest of weather. Then you build the house brick by brick on these solid foundations. Marriage is a lot like this. The difference is, it is never too late to go back and work on the foundations. Maybe you have a lot of them already in place and you just need to do some repair work to get everything on a sound footing again.

The fact that it is simple does not make it easy, it does take some work. So there is some pain and soul searching to be done, but once you put in the effort its all worth it in the end. Truth be told, the pain experienced in getting back together is nothing compared to the pain people experience when it all falls apart. You may be surprised how much difference you can make with a small but well directed effort.

What about those 'fundamentals' then? Where do we find them? Many people go down a path of therapy. However, studies show that almost 50% of couples who choose therapy end up divorced. Only 10-20% of couples say they found any significant benefit from counseling. They are hardly compelling statistics. Therapy that does work is based on sound principles. It must focus on those things that are foundational to a healthy marriage. Many therapists just don't seem to get this right.

There are many things that make a difference in marriage, but the two that stand out are commitment and honor. Out of the two, commitment is often the easiest to understand. It is the decision to stay with your partner through thick and thin, in sickness and health regardless of what life throws up. It's easily said, but as we all know, it can get tough. Now if you are in an abusive relationship you need to seek further help. Otherwise, work on your commitment to each other first. Society's 'try before you buy' attitude just doesn't work. Where commitment is lacking, marriages end in divorce.

Now for one of my personal favourites, honor. I say this not because I have studied it and know everything about this concept but because of how it turned our marriage around. Sadly, honor between couples is lacking in many marriages. Honor, in its simplest form is respecting the other person for who they are. You have to learn to love each other. Even when you don't agree with what the other person is doing or how they are doing it. So yes, you can still have discussions about things that bother you, but your love is unconditional and your partner will feel accepted.

Now you've decided you want to save your marriage but you're not sure your partner is in this with you. Can you make a difference on your own? Yes, you definitely can. Marriage is the union of two people becoming one, as the Bible puts it. You cannot force your spouse to change, but you can change yourself and see how that impacts them. There have been many marriages saved by one of the partners getting down to work and making some beneficial changes.

Where is your marriage at? Perhaps you see some problems developing. Maybe it is much worse. But it is never too late for action. As long as you have wise advice that lays out the basics and gives you a strategy to move your marriage in the right direction, you can revitalize your marriage.




About the Author: