Your world has come crashing down - your husband just announced to you that he wants to get a divorce, the reason being that you had a fling in the summer, when he was away. Of course he is perfectly justified, but that doesn't stop the process from being any less hurtful than it is. You feel like crap anyway, but obviously you don't expect sympathy, but this is a bit too much for you to handle.
I'm talking about something that has become quite commonplace. The extramarital affair is no longer something that is a rarity; in fact it is happening at an alarming rate; especially if you have been married for 6- 15 years. The cheating rate is about 20% and is the highest in that range. But there is still hope. You need to brave the storm, the storm of anger and emotion welling from your spouse and at the end of it, you will you're your marriage intact, the difference being that the foundations will be much stronger than they were in the first place.
Here are three phases that you should go through, sequentially, so as to survive the affair
Phase I
Sort out your feelings. In this phase, you will be going through an "externalizing" process, which is the exact opposite of internalizing, which most of us tend to do in such a situation and which leads to problems later on. When you're externalizing, you're looking for answers, not within yourself, but out there in the open. But before that, do come to terms with your own feelings and then talk it out.
Phase II
You need to work with one another to sort out the issues you have with each other and the relationship. In fact, you will be guided through the entire process of how to approach your spouse for forgiveness and wonder of wonders, BE FORGIVEN! The basic aim of this phase is to open up the channels of communication without making things worse and complicating matters.
You two should discuss things like:
* Why it happened in the first place.
* What was lacking in the relationship.
* How you two will adjust with one another.
Phase III
In this last phase, you will learn how to rebuild the foundations of your relationship. You will be surprised to find, that if you go about it in the right way, you will regain:
* Support
* Care
* Reassurance
* Affection
And re - discover love again. Yes, that is the magic of reconciliation. It is like falling in love all over again. Just remember that people make mistakes and you shouldn't regret the past, concentrate on making it up to your spouse as best as you can, this will ensure that you have a bright future to look forward to.
I'm talking about something that has become quite commonplace. The extramarital affair is no longer something that is a rarity; in fact it is happening at an alarming rate; especially if you have been married for 6- 15 years. The cheating rate is about 20% and is the highest in that range. But there is still hope. You need to brave the storm, the storm of anger and emotion welling from your spouse and at the end of it, you will you're your marriage intact, the difference being that the foundations will be much stronger than they were in the first place.
Here are three phases that you should go through, sequentially, so as to survive the affair
Phase I
Sort out your feelings. In this phase, you will be going through an "externalizing" process, which is the exact opposite of internalizing, which most of us tend to do in such a situation and which leads to problems later on. When you're externalizing, you're looking for answers, not within yourself, but out there in the open. But before that, do come to terms with your own feelings and then talk it out.
Phase II
You need to work with one another to sort out the issues you have with each other and the relationship. In fact, you will be guided through the entire process of how to approach your spouse for forgiveness and wonder of wonders, BE FORGIVEN! The basic aim of this phase is to open up the channels of communication without making things worse and complicating matters.
You two should discuss things like:
* Why it happened in the first place.
* What was lacking in the relationship.
* How you two will adjust with one another.
Phase III
In this last phase, you will learn how to rebuild the foundations of your relationship. You will be surprised to find, that if you go about it in the right way, you will regain:
* Support
* Care
* Reassurance
* Affection
And re - discover love again. Yes, that is the magic of reconciliation. It is like falling in love all over again. Just remember that people make mistakes and you shouldn't regret the past, concentrate on making it up to your spouse as best as you can, this will ensure that you have a bright future to look forward to.
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