Jul 13, 2011

Cheating Spouses and Surviving an Affair: 3 Important Things You Must Know

By Karen Corban


Deep emotional damage often ensues the realization that you have been cheated on or betrayed by your significant other, so it is crucial to learn to handle these at an early stage when surviving an affair. The kind of stress that this brings on is something that the media rarely depicts with any form of accuracy, so most people who experience infidelity in a relationship the first time have little readily available help.

The forms and media that do portray the act of betrayal try to wash it aside with either forgiving the guilty party or establishing a cutting of ties, which is not entirely realistic. Such strategies are often more harmful for someone surviving an affair than they are helpful, as they neglect the depth of emotional and psychological damage that has been done.

Self-esteem
One of the harshest effects of being cheated on is loss of self-esteem. After an emotional meltdown caused by disloyalty, confidence will really go down the drain. Questions like where did I go wrong, what have I done, am I not good enough and why, will surely bother the faithful party. It's easy to speculate with mights and maybes, but the real reason can't be found out unless it comes directly from the horse's mouth. The common assumption is that you failed to meet an expectation.

Naturally, falling steps below the "standard" will really shake even a rock-solid confidence. What matters in a caught-in-the-act perfidy is the realization that both parties did something that led to extramarital coveting. At one point or another, both committed a mistake, and all the blame shouldn't see-saw on just one party. As they say, it takes two to tango.

Trust
Being skeptical and cynical is the usual setback of having your heart broken. There is fear that the other person might hurt you again. If trusting is hard, re-trusting is harder. Likewise, if trust is hard to earn, earning it back is harder. When trust is lost, there's no guarantee that you can earn it back. It isn't like money that when you go to work, you get paid. And a love canoe without trust is hard to manage.

Surviving infidelity in a relationship will involve helping yourself restore your ability to trust others. Betrayal is not a hair trigger away in any given relationship, no matter how things might seem after a betrayal. You must take steps to remove that mindset and slowly ease back into trusting the people around you.

Cause and Effect
Dishonesty can bring a domino effect. The act itself can trigger a lot of unlikely possibilities like a change in the perception, personality and behavior, especially of the loyal party.

What is important is that, when dealing with a broken relationship, not to make any drastic changes that could cause even greater emotional turmoil in the long-term. Remember, your self esteem is the most important thing. A broken heart can be healed and every new day brings you closer to a new, brighter future.




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