People who look back on the years, days or hours of their marriage and think it may have been a bad idea from the start often ask if what can be done to save this marriage? Maybe they should be asking if anything should be done.
Saving a marriage suggests it needs to be saved from something but from what? Is the marriage being threatened by outsiders making trouble? Is the marriage dying from lack of nurturing either emotional or financial? Is lack of novelty causing the partners to crave a new experience?
Generally what people mean when they talk about saving their marriage is they want to save it from ending. But why do they want it to continue? Do they just want to prolong the agony? Or is there something worth keeping alive?
An interesting question to ask is what should this marriage be saved for? Do these people want to create a safe and happy home for themselves and the children they might have and perhaps extended family? Is their goal to give themselves the appearance of domestic bliss that their social circle will look upon jealously? Do they want someone with whom they don't have to be on their best behavior and who will endure rudeness and even abuse? Couples would do well to ask themselves and each other what they accomplish by staying together.
A marriage that can and ought to be saved is one in which the parties contribute something to each other that makes their lives better or in some way more complete than they were before.
One of the benefits of a good marriage is that people can plan for the future confident that in as many years as necessary they will both be there, committed to the relationship even if their original plans change due to changes in circumstances or interests.
Another sign that a marriage is worth saving is if the two partners find that being part of the partnership causes them to grow and improve. If they become smarter, kinder, more loving, more tolerant, more patient, more adventurous, or more competent than they were before they may be involved in the kind of marriage that is worth some sacrifices.
One of the favorite plots in murder mysteries involves people getting married because one of them stands to inherit a huge amount of money. Either the inheritance is contingent up the heir being married or the husband or wife of the heir is a fortune hunter. Of course since these stories are usually murder mysteries it isn't hard to imagine that such marriages don't often work out well.
Saving a marriage suggests it needs to be saved from something but from what? Is the marriage being threatened by outsiders making trouble? Is the marriage dying from lack of nurturing either emotional or financial? Is lack of novelty causing the partners to crave a new experience?
Generally what people mean when they talk about saving their marriage is they want to save it from ending. But why do they want it to continue? Do they just want to prolong the agony? Or is there something worth keeping alive?
An interesting question to ask is what should this marriage be saved for? Do these people want to create a safe and happy home for themselves and the children they might have and perhaps extended family? Is their goal to give themselves the appearance of domestic bliss that their social circle will look upon jealously? Do they want someone with whom they don't have to be on their best behavior and who will endure rudeness and even abuse? Couples would do well to ask themselves and each other what they accomplish by staying together.
A marriage that can and ought to be saved is one in which the parties contribute something to each other that makes their lives better or in some way more complete than they were before.
One of the benefits of a good marriage is that people can plan for the future confident that in as many years as necessary they will both be there, committed to the relationship even if their original plans change due to changes in circumstances or interests.
Another sign that a marriage is worth saving is if the two partners find that being part of the partnership causes them to grow and improve. If they become smarter, kinder, more loving, more tolerant, more patient, more adventurous, or more competent than they were before they may be involved in the kind of marriage that is worth some sacrifices.
One of the favorite plots in murder mysteries involves people getting married because one of them stands to inherit a huge amount of money. Either the inheritance is contingent up the heir being married or the husband or wife of the heir is a fortune hunter. Of course since these stories are usually murder mysteries it isn't hard to imagine that such marriages don't often work out well.
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