Many couples go into couple counseling with the mindset that it is a guaranteed cure for all their problems. They invest all their hope for the relationship with an objective third party who is supposed to somehow turn things around for them one hour a week. Yet, many of them will continue on to a divorce. The good news is others will get exactly what they are seeking.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Even the most severe of issues has been successfully worked through in a therapy session, so it is not true that the difference is only in the severity of the problems. This is most people's assumption but it's wrong.
The correct answer is that couples who are able to pull through together are the ones that take their sessions and turn it into action at home. Here are some things to consider if you want to improve your chances of making your marriage work through counseling.
It all starts with your own attitude. If you go in defensive and ready to prove all your spouse's thoughts and accusations wrong, then you are not really listening to what they have to say. Drop your guard and just really listen to what they are saying, not what it means about you personally.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
If you can do those things and go into each session with the right attitude than chances are high your spouse will follow suit and the real issues can be discovered. Then, you have to really do something about those issues outside of the sessions.
Couple counseling can in fact work, but you have to drop your guard and stop trying to be right all the time. If you can get your spouse to go along with those three keys, you will have a fighting chance at working things out.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Even the most severe of issues has been successfully worked through in a therapy session, so it is not true that the difference is only in the severity of the problems. This is most people's assumption but it's wrong.
The correct answer is that couples who are able to pull through together are the ones that take their sessions and turn it into action at home. Here are some things to consider if you want to improve your chances of making your marriage work through counseling.
It all starts with your own attitude. If you go in defensive and ready to prove all your spouse's thoughts and accusations wrong, then you are not really listening to what they have to say. Drop your guard and just really listen to what they are saying, not what it means about you personally.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
If you can do those things and go into each session with the right attitude than chances are high your spouse will follow suit and the real issues can be discovered. Then, you have to really do something about those issues outside of the sessions.
Couple counseling can in fact work, but you have to drop your guard and stop trying to be right all the time. If you can get your spouse to go along with those three keys, you will have a fighting chance at working things out.
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